Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 7 May 2010

image for American Idol's Latest Castoff Aaron Kelly Revealed To Only Be 11-Years-Old
The gun that belongs to Aaron's teacher's husband, Cordington "Patches" Morganworthy.

HOLLYWOOD - The three Simon's of American Idol, producers Simon Shindlebocker, Simon Witleywine, and judge Simon Cowell have informed the entertainment media of an astounding revelation.

It seems that the latest AI hopeful to be sent home, Aaron Kelly is not really 17, as had been believed, but actually only 11.

The age factor came out after his fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Actina Sue Morganworthy, back in Sonestown, Pennsylvania called CNN's Larry King and asked if it wasn't against the American Idol official rules and regulations for someone under the age of 16, to be performing on the show.

When informed that she was indeed correct, Mrs. Morganworthy revealed that Aaron Kelly is a student in her fifth grade class at the Little Miss Muffet Elementary School.

She said that Aaron's mother, Insignia Lulu Kelly had asked her and her students to please not reveal Aaron's true age to anyone.

Mrs Kelly told them that if they kept it a secret she would throw the entire class a nice, big end-of-school party at one of the local Chuck E. Cheeses, plus she would give each student a $100 gift certificate to The Toys, Toys, Toys Galore Store.

Mrs. Morganworthy said that she could no longer keep quiet because she was having trouble sleeping at night, concentrating during the day, and getting into the mood during sex with her husband, who she identified only as 'Patches.'

[EDITOR'S NOTE: 'Patches' is the nickname of Mrs. Morganworthy's husband Cordington Morganworthy, who works as a security guard at a local Red Lobster Seafood Restaurant in Sonestown.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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