Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 4 May 2010

image for Country Singer Chely Wright Comes Out of The Bunkhouse Closet: "Yep, I'm One of Dem Dang Lesbianites"
Chely Wright (R) and her cross-wired gal pal Rebecca Susan (L).

LAKE CHARLES, Louisiana - Country music singing sensation Chely Wright performed before a sell out crowd in Lake Charles at The Cajun Bayou Gator & Skeeter Arena.

The 39-year-old Wright finished her last song and told the audience that she had a little something to tell them. She was wearing a miniskirt and as she sat down on the floor of the stage the people in the first three rows could easily see that Chely was wearing men's boxer shorts.

She noticed them staring at her crotch region and asked if they had seen her underwear. About a dozen people hollered out "Yessum." One elderly gentleman, identified as Pickles, was holding up a poster that read, 'Chely, I'm 90, but say da word and I'll dump my wife quicker dan a baby chick dropping a hot bb in mid July.'

She laughed and asked if he had seen her underwear. "Well I sho nuff did catch me a bit of a peeky poo and I am confused as to why you'd be wearin' dem man's boxers huh?"

Wright has had some very successful hits with songs such as "Shut Up And Drive The Damn Tractor," "You'll Find My Shotgun At The Back Of My Bottom Drawer," and her most recent hit, "She Went Out For Cigarettes And Came Back With A Lipstick Lesbian."

Chely remarked that many people had begun to wonder a little bit about her gender leaning when that song first came out seeing as how it was about carpet munching and all.

She told the crowd that she has been keeping a secret for quite sometime that she can no longer keep.

"Dammit all. You're married ain't cha" hollered out the old man with the poster.

"No. I ain't married. But I am deeply in love with a very special person."

Someone hollered out who the lucky guy was.

Chely stood up. She paused a little and then said. "My special someone's name is Rebecca Susan.

"Rebecca Susan?" Pickles, the old poster man hollered out. "What kind of weird-ass name is that for a feller?"

Chely giggled and said that Rebecca Susan is the name of her lesbian lover.

"Lesbian? You mean like one of the A-rab types." Poster man asked.

"No sir. You're thinking of Lebanese. I said lesbian, as in a woman who likes to bump furburgers with other women."

"Are you tellin' us that you're a hooha bumper?"

"Yep."

"Well if dat don't beat da damn udderless milk cow all ta hell! And you are sure one mighty pretty lookin' filly. What in da world can ya get from a female who ain't got no pecker like me and all the fellas got?"

Suddenly the arena erupted in clapping. Someone yelled out "Hey Chely we still love ya. And your voice still sounds da same, so go ahead and do whatever two lesbionians do to each other. And by the way, who da hell wears da damn condom and what da hell does da sucker attach to?"

In other news. Rumors that Snoop Dogg's wife was going to have two pups have proved to be wrong. Tests showed that she is not pregnant and that two gigantic gas bubbles somehow got lodged on the top of her large intestine.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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