Written by Skoob1999
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Tuesday, 20 April 2010

image for Dancing Derek Hough To Join 'Strictly' To Get Closer To Cheryl Cole - Ashley Seething
Rehearsing For Strictly

A source speaking from close to the bar in The Nag's Head public house in the West End tipped me off today that Dancing Derek Hough is all set to drop everything and come to London to take up residence on Strictly Come Dancing - in order to allow him more free time to spend with Cheryl Cole.

Once the volcano ash has settled down, and flights resume.

One Ash who certainly won't be settling down, is Chelsea footballer Ashley Cole, recently recovered from a broken ankle and no slouch in the horizontal mambo stakes himself.

Our contact says that Ashley is seething with anger and resentment, not to mention outrage that his estranged wife Cheryl should flaunt her marital indiscretions so publicly with a World Cup pending and custody of the dogs to sort out.

"It's just not on, this," he reportedly spluttered. "Dancing Derek bleedin' Hough comin' over here? Stealing my woman away? In public? F'Gawd's sake, she might as well 'ave posted pictures on the internet."

Dancing Derek has so far refused to confirm or deny this story, pausing only to put on a really smug 'winner takes it all' expression for the paparazzi in LA.

Cheryl Cole was out shopping, I'm told on the lookout for a ring depicting a crucifixion with a bloke in an England strip, although not I am told in order to convey a secret message to Ashley.

Our contact ordered another large G&T and I left the building in search of further muck to rake.

More as I sift through it all.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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