Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 18 April 2010

image for Lorraine Kelly Shows Off Her Lovely Looking Stuff In a Purple Bikini Swimsuit in Bali
A photo of the beach at Bali. Lorraine Kelly can be seen sunbathing in her purple bikini at the lower left of the photo.

BALI - The host of GMTV with Lorraine, Lorraine Kelly showed off her trimmed down figure while swimming in the waters of Bali.

The 50-year-old breakfast show host frolicked, romped, and reveled to her hearts content on the beach while onlookers pointed at her and said things like "Hey isn't that the British lady that comes out on that morning show," "Wow, the Glasgow gal looks pretty damn good for 50," and "Well she ain't no Cheryl Cole but she ain't no Kirstie Alley either."

Kelly, who is an avid supporter of Dundee United, said that luckily she has no cellulite on her thighs as it is all confined to her butt region which of course is completely covered by her bikini bottom.

Lorraine smiled and said that she also has some horrid stretch marks but noted that they too are on her butt and therefore no one has seen them except for her husband Steve, and of course their gardener of five years Wilmington Rudyard Voomshire, 43, whom she describes as being kind of like a distant cousin.

Kelly says that the reason that she lost a lot of weight is so that she can participate in the upcoming London 126 Mile Marathon. Lorraine said that she promised her husband that if she completed the 126 mile run she would let him do whatever he wants to do to her in a sexual way, as long as it is not something that is of an illegal nature in the United Kingdom.

When her husband, Steve Smith was asked what he planned to do to his wife should she complete the 126 mile marathon, he blushed, and then said that he did not want to say or even hint for fear of scarring the living daylights out of his sweet, lovely Lorraine.

In other news. David Frost has said that if he was 50 years younger he would love to boink Katy Perry until the damn cows come home.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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