Written by Fergus McCarthy
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Saturday, 24 April 2010

image for Crystal Swing, Miley Cyrus, the Wiggles and Jedward announced as support bands for AC/DC  European tour.

Irish internet sensations Crystal Swing and X Factor successes Jedward have been contracted to support Australian rockers AC/DC on the European leg of their world tour.

AC/DC are one of the worlds greatest live acts but have, in recent years begun to see their loyal fanbase dying off, mainly due to old age although the lack of adequate toilet facilities at many stadium venues have been cited as a contributing factor.

The bands iconic, but now slightly creepy looking co-founder, lead guitarist Angus Young explains.

"We need a new audience, it's a fact of life that some, if not all, of our fans are getting older. Shed loads of them have gone bald or have receding hairlines and have given up headbanging. We tried selling wigs at the concerts and didn't shift one, We couldn't give them away in Dublin........ 64% of our fanbase has impaired hearing and roughly 13% are either clinically blind or deaf!

Me and ma brother founded this band in 1896 and at the last count we have had roughly 1,283 different musicians play with us. If we want rock and roll to live on through the next generation we have to adopt.. Adapt.

We are really looking forward to meeting the new acts, the Wiggles are legends but my grandkids are looking forward to meeting Miley Cyrus, I personally cant wait to go out the lash with the two young Irish lads Jedward, they seem like a whole lot of fun."

Young was visibly excited at the mention of Crystal Swing but quickly covered himself with his blazer.

"I think we'll be able to do something with the mother and the daughter, we used to do something with mothers and daughters on the tour bus... But I just can't remember what..

Doesn't matter, it'll come back to me. The young lads a great frontman, massive stage presence, I'm hoping he'll do a Run DMC type recording of "He drinks tequila, she talks dirty in Spanish" with us.

Great lyrics, great 'Fuck you! attitude'."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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