Written by Morgan Truce
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Topics: Paris Hilton, Paris

Thursday, 27 January 2005

image for Bill Cosby:  Paris Hilton Fondled ME!

SHELBURNE FALLS, MA (AP) Speaking to TV news crews on his front lawn, actor - comedian Bill Cosby revealed a shameful episode in his past. "About a year ago, I was entertaining a group of friends at my vacation house in Detroit. Attending the party were many well-known entertainers and TV industry executives. Paris Hilton was there as usual. She used to come to all of my parties… and I didn't mind because she is a highly educated young woman who speaks proper English. Everyone at the party was very drunk after drinking the special Thunderbird punch I concocted."

"Now here's what happened: while I was showing Paris Hilton my collection of honorary degrees and entertainment awards, she became all excited and, well… she touched me in a very inappropriate place. Now don't get me wrong, that was a very nice feeling inappropriate touch, but it was a very wrong thing for her to do to me. I was so embarrassed and traumatized by the event that I blocked it from my memory - until just yesterday."

"Now that Andrea Constand has come out and claimed that I fondled her, it made me think and finally remember how Paris Hilton fondled me last year. I've been trying to remember all the fondling episodes in my life… and I think it's just those two times," said Bill Cosby with a big grin.

"I've decided to solve this whole thing. I invited Paris Hilton and Andrea Constand to my little place out in the country. They've both agreed to this friendly get-together. I'm sure we'll all have a great time talking about our past fondling experiences and seeing where that all might lead. Paris Hilton promised me that she would not tell any reporters where we are having our little party. I sure wouldn't want any pictures to get out to the newspapers because I am a well-respected member of the African-American community. I wouldn't want word getting out that I was involved in any kind of fondling with my friends."

Bill Cosby would not take any questions from the reporters and went back into his house to quickly pack his suitcase.


Further details of Paris Hilton's boring life can be found here.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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