Written by Stephen J.Morgan
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Topics: Tiger Woods

Saturday, 10 April 2010

image for Tiger's therapist reveals secrets of video's uncut version

This weekend startling facts have emerged that shed a different light on the meaning of the Tiger-Nike video.

The new details completely contradict the first impressions and interpretations of the video's strange style and Tiger's unusual bearing and facial expressions. In an announcement that took everyone by surprise, Tiger's therapist divulged that the video is, in fact, a snippet of a much longer video shot during one of his therapy sessions.

The rather close-up and amateurish quality of the video is now explained by the fact that the therapist was filming it through a tiny, microscopic-camera hidden in her wig. The male voice purporting to be his father's is the therapist's assistant who is posing questions as part of a childhood regression session.

The real reason for Tiger's strange demeanor is now explained by the fact that he was being hypnotized at the time.

Just after his "father's" questions in the unedited video, Tiger suddenly starts bouncing up and down like a kangaroo, and jumping at the female therapist in way that suggests he wanted to mate with her.

Just what this bizarre behavior signified was initially a mystery, until an Australian psycho-zoologist explained that the kangaroo has a double-headed penis and the females have two vaginas.

"This must be Tiger's ultimate fantasy" he said," a world where women have two pussies and he's got two dicks."

"Obviously," he continued "this little known fact of nature is buried deep in Tiger's subconscious and is a powerful motivating factor behind his behavior."

He added that in Australia, aborigines worship the kangaroo as a fertility symbol.

"If you think rabbits are randy animals, then you should see these big bunnies in action."

The male kangaroo is, in fact, so lascivious that in mating season it is even known to chase Australian women down the streets.

The famous Australian hunter, Crocodile Dundee advised that, "You don't want to bend down to tie your shoe laces, when a 6'6'', 200 pound beast with a two foot, double-headed dick is coming at you at 40 miles per hour"

Interestingly, these happen to be Tiger's measurements as well.

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