Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: Jonathan Ross

Saturday, 3 April 2010

image for Jonathan Ross Blatantly Plugs Wife's 'Kick-Ass' Movie
The Scene Of The Crime - Near QPR Football Ground

Friday Night With Jonathan Ross on the BBC, although occasionally controversial is not usually the catalyst for a licence-payers' revolt, yet that's what happened last night.

Jonathan Ross interviewed Aaron Johnson, the star of new movie Kick-Ass, which was co-scripted by Ross's wife Jane Goldman, prompting homicidal outbursts and even an impromptu demonstration at BBC Television Centre in west London.

Licence payer John Bigjohnsson explained to us why he felt so aggrieved:

"Ross's wages already come out of the licence fee, so plugging a movie with which his wife has been highly involved is tantamount to using the BBC as an advertising vehicle for his family's personal profit. It's just a big TV ad funded by the taxpayer in order to boost the Ross family coffers. That's immoral, an insult to the public, and gross abuse of a national asset. He should be made to answer charges for this. It makes the MP's expenses scandal seem pretty tame by comparison."

A small yet extremely vociferous group of anti-Ross protesters gathered outside BBC Television Centre were far less tactful with their offerings.

"He's a bloody disgrace that man is. Advertising his wife's film like that on the BBC. Somebody ought to crush his head in a vice and then pour petrol on it and set it alight!" one man raged.

"And have his balls cut off with a blunt hacksaw blade," another added.

A little old lady then approached us and announced:

"Did you know that they've got a little eleven year old girl in that movie, Chloe Moretz? She plays a character called 'Hit Girl' and she murders people. Fuckin' murders 'em I tellya! And in one scene she calls a bunch of drug dealers 'cunts'! Cunts! I fuckin' ask yer! What in the world is this country comin' to? Cunts indeed!"

The views reflected in this article are by no means representative of the author of this article. Violence never solved anything. Well, it did, actually, but that's another story.

Kick-Ass is now showing at a multiplex near you.

Probably.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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