Written by Bureau
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Topics: Viagra, Dracula

Tuesday, 30 March 2010

image for Count Dracula Biting Mad Over Viagra Not Working

Count Dracula, in an interview very early this morning, stated that Viagra did not help him and that he had already tried the other stuff.

"Here I have most of the night every single night and what am I going to do after my snack, IF I can find one, watch Jay Leno? Why I wouldn't bite that neck in a million years. The chin would give me a crooked neck for a century or two."

After promising to talk with us and not attacking anyone, he stated that he wasn't in the mood for biting anyway.

"If I've given one person a pain in the neck, I've given 10,000! I'm not concerned. But having these beautiful brides and my being so old, it drives me up the wall. I should be driving THEM up the wall!"

So why doesn't the pills work. Is it because of you age?

"Oh no, I could still do my husband's duty until ten years ago, when I bit someone into meth. Methed me up, it did. I barely got back into the coffin before daybreak. From then on, it was a pain in the ass to get enough blood from a neck."

The Count then stated that he thought the recent breakthroughs in penile dysfunction would be just what he needed.

"Forget it! For those pills to pull enough BLOOOODDD!!, excuse me, I don't want to yell that anymore. Those Twilight kids are cute if a little naive. Where was I? Oh..for the pill to work, you have to have enough blood for them to pull it into your penis and no matter how much I consume, the meth methes..messes it up...great, now I gotta lisp...whoops, daylight!"

From Transylvania College in Lexington, Kentucky, I'm Dan Hilliard.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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