Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 31 March 2010

image for Lingerie Company Dumps Peaches Geldof's 'Melons'
Peaches in a commercial for the BBC, modeling a pair of Cheryl Cole Cuties size 5.

LONDON - The Unified Lingerie Company has parted ways with their top model wayward socialite Peaches Geldof.

Company spokesperson Elaine Ellen Hazelham, 57, said that the recent photographs in which Peaches was shown in various stages of hugging, rubbing, and tubbing with a much older male individual of questionable character were the next-to-the-last and the last straw.

Peaches received an email from Ms. Hazelham telling her that she had been terminated as the face and body of the Unified Lingerie Company.

The email went on to say that the company did not appreciate that in many of the graphically explicit photos the Unified Lingerie Company label could clearly be seen on the panties, bras, and tampon holders.

Ms. Hazelham went on to state that in behalf of the Unified Lingerie Company that if Miss Geldof wishes to act like one of Tiger Woods white whores or one of Jesse James white whores that is her right, but effective immediately she will no longer be a representative for the fantastically reputable Unified Lingerie Company.

Ms. Hazelham closed by reminding Miss Geldof that their slogan reads, "Your boyfriend or husband is next to you a few hours a night. We're next to you all effen day!"

Peaches emailed Ms. Hazelham back and asked her to specifically tell her why she was being fired. Hazelham responded by saying that it was because of her dilly dallying with one Benito Misterioso, reputed member of the Genzano Pianissimo Family of Hackensack, New Jersey.

Peaches replied that the photos that they saw of her and Mr. Misterioso were photoshopped. She said that not once in his company did she ever remove her bra, her panties, or even her watch as the 'photoshopped' pictures clearly showed.

Ms. Hazelham responded by emailing "WHATeverrrrrr!"

To purchase autographed panties and bras from Peaches Geldof log on to www.peachespantiesandbras.pix

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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