Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 23 March 2010

image for Dancing With The Stars: Kate Gosselin Places 9th Out of 11
Kate shown shaving her legs at the hotel prior to driving to the Dancing With The Stars studio (Photo courtesy of Tony D.).

HOLLYWOOD - Kate Gosselin smiled, and laughed, and chuckled, but deep down inside you could tell that the blonde divorced mother of eight hated every single moment of her time on Dancing With The Stars.

King Kate has always been used to being in charge. She has always wanted to have the say and the last say for sure, but in this new element, the dancing element, poor Kate, with the $7,000 hairdo complete with extensions is as lost as a salt water marlin in a Kansas cornfield.

Kate hates it. She even wore her lucky pink "Monday" underwear, but it did not help her disposition. She is trying her hardest to hide her frustration at not being able to get her cha cha cha cha's in the right place.

But deep down inside the Pennsylvania mom of eight wishes that she could have called Len Goodman a no good crumpet eating 98-year-old stupid British bloke.

She would have loved to have told Bruno Tonioli that he is nothing but a sidesaddle riding Italian gay caballero. And she would have enjoyed being able to tell Carrie Ann Inaba that she needed to get her ass back to Singapore and help with the elections.

Kate is pissed. As much as she hated her ex-husband Jon "Mr. 3" Gosselin, she has never hated anyone more than she hates Len Goodman.

Niecy Nash said that backstage Kate told her that if she ever gets a chance she will kick Goodman in his crotchety crotch with one of her size 11D high heeled shoes.

SIDENOTE: Kate and her partner Tony Dovolani placed in the number 9 spot out of 11 places. There is talk that Kate wants to drop out but she cannot find a good enough reason. She reportedly even asked her partner Tony Dovolani to hit her, but Tony said that he may be dumb, but he ain't stupid.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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