Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 13 March 2010

image for Orlando Bloom Dumps Kate Gosselin
Kate wearing her lucky plaid skirt that she was wearing when she first met Orlando at a Pittsburgh Mall.

PENSACOLA, Florida - Orlando Bloom, aka Will Turner of The Pirates of The Caribbean movie series was in town to film several scenes of the next "Buccaneer" installment entitled Pirates of The Caribbean - Who Took My Friggin' Doubloons?

Bloom, who has been dating Kate Gosselin of the old reality show Jon and Kate Plus 8, was asked where his blonde girlfriend was.

He half smiled and said that he and Kate had decided to end their two month relationship. When asked why, he simply replied that it was a matter of logistics. He pointed out that he would be here and she would be there and then she would be over there and he would not be over there cause he was somewhere else.

Bloom then noted that Kate will now be appearing on the new edition of Dancing With The Stars. So he said that the only time he would get to see her is when she is on the TV dancing with Tony Dovolani, her good looking professional dance partner.

Orlando then admitted that it was actually him who dumped Kate. He was asked how she took it. "Not good."

He then went on to say that she begged him not to end their relationship. She pleaded with him. She begged him. He said that she even promised him that she would never tell any of the tabloids that his penis is only three-inches long.

Bloom said that if she ever gave that information to the tabloids he would turn right around and tell them that she has the words "Jon's Bitch" tattooed on her butt. Plus he also told her that he would reveal the strange snapping noise that comes out of her (blank) whenever she achieves the 'Big O.'

He said that they shook hands and made a pact that neither one would ever reveal those very intimate secrets to the supermarket tabloids.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Ah...can I say oopsies!]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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