Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 12 March 2010

image for Ashley Cole Reports Someone Has Broken Into His Home
A soccer ball autographed by Rafael Rafael and presented to Ashley Cole.

LONDON - Chelsea football star and womanizing twit, Ashley Cole has told the local authorities that someone broke into his mansion in Godalming while he was out trying to buy something nice for his his wife Cheryl in hopes that she gives him a third, or is it a fourth chance.

Ashley, who is still hobbling about like a bloke who got his foot stepped on by a bloomin' horse, said that he first noticed that something was wrong when he saw that the big screen telly was tuned to the channel that shows reruns of Fawlty Towers, 24-hours a day.

Cole said that he never cared for that show and so he knew right away that something was wrong. As he walked upstairs to his bedroom he noticed that the burglar had made off with four soccer balls that had been signed by football players John Tenny, Wayne Rooney, Rafael Rafael, and Didier Drogba.

Ashley remarked that he did not much care for Rafael Rafael's but he stated that the would like to get the other three back.

Another thing that Ashley said was missing was a box of imported French Ooh La La Condoms, which he had purchased in Paris the week that Cheryl was in America. Cole told the police that he did not really want to report the condoms missing because his wife would then ask him what in the world he was doing with the box of condoms.

SIDENOTE: Ashley is still hoping that his wife Cheryl Cole will forgive him for diddling around with eight gals. He is quick to point out that his number was only eight, whereas Tiger's number was 12.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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