Written by Skoob1999
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Thursday, 11 March 2010

image for Daniel Day Lewis And Helena Bonham Carter To Play Man With Talking Penis And Woman With Whistling Vagina In Tim Burton Biopic
Get Set For The Jap's Eye Close-Up!

Following up on a lead provided by top Spoof writer Abel Rodriguez, Hollywood insider Kurt Kuntz started making enquiries which revealed that 'Alice' director Tim Burton is already working on his next project, a biopic of the man with the talking penis and the woman with the whistling vagina.

Burton was said to have become intrigued by the real life rise to fame of show business's oddest couple after reading their story in a free newspaper on the London Underground. He reportedly told friends that he wanted to get back to making movies about real people, with a human interest angle, and added that you couldn't get more human interest than a story involving a talking penis and a whistling vagina.

Insiders say that Daniel Day Lewis has been pencilled in for the role of Garfield Glans, the man with the talking penis, and that Helena Bonham Carter looks likely to take on the role of Prudence Flisspapps, the woman with the whistling vagina.

Insiders who have seen first drafts of the script tell this reporter that the story covers the years between Glans' discovery that he could extrude speech sounds from his knob end by a series of buttock clenching exercises and Flisspapps finding that her vagina could whistle in her days as an Amsterdam Ping Pong Lady through to the pair recording the number one best-seller 'Wandrin' Star' from the musical 'Paint Your Wagon'

Burton anticipates some difficulties in shooting close ups of a talking cock and a whistling fanny, with regard to censorship issues, but feels that the problems are not insurmountable.

"People will probably say that the talking cock's voice was just dubbed on," the director mused. "And that the performing vagina is just some cunt whistling, but we figure it's our job to get the audience to suspend disbelief." Allegedly.

We hear that Johnny Depp will play Simon Cowshed, Antonio Banderas will play Abel Rodriguez, and a computer generated image of the late Wilfrid Bramble will play Skoob1999, although why this should be we are not at all sure.

More as I blatantly make it up!

Make Skoob1999's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 multiplied by 1?

1 21 14 3

Go to top