West End Stringer Barry Boddington was trawling the streets of the capital's fleshpots in the early hours of this morning when he was approached by two men in their early twenties who addressed him by name and informed him that there was a furious bitch fight going on in a nearby club between Cheryl Cole and Sarah Harding, both of Girls Aloud. For the moment at least - Cheryl has recently hinted that her stint with the band is about to come to an end, but more on that later.
The two men informed BB that bikini babe Sarah, and serial victim cum mark II version of 'The Princess Of Hearts' had got into a hair-pulling, fingernail raking, eye gouging, biting, hissing, screaming, kicking and punching frenzy in the bathroom of the club over a text message received by Harding from Cheryl's estranged husband Ashley.
The implication appeared to be that Sarah Harding and Ashley Cole have been texting suggestive messages to each other for some time now, and all behind Cheryl's back.
There has also been a palpable tension between the two stunners, allegedly brought on by Harding's jealousy that Cole was frequently spoofed by satirical websites, whereas Harding was pretty much ignored generally, and has never been spoofed at all.
The two men told stringer BB that the scene of the bitch fight was awash with blood and other bodily fluids and that the two lovelies were still having at it.
Barry rushed to the club mentioned by the two men only to find himself confronted by two formidable doormen, who seemed determined to deny him entry into the premises for no apparent reason, despite BB flashing his press credentials and a fifty pound note.
A second fifty pound note appeared to turn the tide in the man's favour and a further twenty five saw him admited to the premises, trusty camera at the ready.
After being charged £25 for a warm pint of lager, BB could find no evidence of a girly bitch fight between Cheryl Cole and Sarah Harding, despite exhaustive enquiries.
Upon leaving, BB personally witnessed Sarah Harding handing over a wedge of notes to the two men he'd met earlier, but sadly was too slow witted to capture the event on film.
So it seems that Sarah Harding has finally been spoofed after all. Even though she cheated and played the system.
More as I make it up.