Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 27 February 2010

image for Dancing With The Stars Kisses Lacey Schwimmer Bye-Bye
Lacey Schwimmer's favorite food is a Polaris Submarine Sandwich, which can feed a family of four.

HOLLYWOOD - One of the producers of Dancing With The Stars Curtis Verflippet has stated that the upcoming DWTS season will not include professional dancer Lacey Schwimmer.

When asked why the popular 21-year-old had been axed Verflippet simply said that it was a mutual decision.

Lacey was contacted in her Redlands, California home, which is appraised at $800,000, and asked why she had been terminated.

She said that there were several reasons why she had been terminated but that she did not want to discuss them. When told that a call to Larry King would get us the answers she relented.

Schwimmer, who comes from a dancing family, said that she found out that she was being fired from the shows hairstylist Kippy Kippeltree.

Kippy told Lacey that the shows producers did not like the fact that Lacey's last name, Schwimmer, is very hard to pronounce. They also did not like the fact that Lacey used the F word more than anyone else in the shows entire history.

Lacey was told by Kippy that another reason was because last season when she was paired with Iron Chef Mark Dacascos, the two got into so many arguments that a lot of the staff members wondered if they were married (to each other).

But the main reason why the DWTS executives decided to let Lacey go was because she had gained too much weight. Dacascos denies it, but he told the shows censor Lars Acushnet that Lacey had gotten so fat that he found himself straining to lift her up.

Dacascos even confided to Acushnet that twice last year, during rehearsals he actually fell while trying to lift her and Lacey landed on his ankles the first time and on his wiener the second time.

In a related story. Lacey has stated that she has retained the services of famed California attorney Gloriana Allblue and hopes to get her job back. Lacey remarked that its not like she's as big as Kirstie Alley, Wynonna Judd, or Aretha Franklin.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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