Written by neilwatson
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Topics: Death, Bruce Forsyth

Wednesday, 24 February 2010

image for In-Death Analysis: Bruce Forsyth sidesteps scythe
Forsyth: still better known for his twinkle-toes than "spats" with Death

Musical comedian Jason Wood, a contestant on the original series of Strictly Come Dancing in 2004, has died aged 38.

Death had originally been dispatched to claim the life of vintage crowd-pleaser Bruce Forsyth.

Wood and Forsyth had been enjoying a quiet drink together for old time's sake, before the sands of time ran out on the veteran broadcaster.

"We looked up," said Forsyth later, "to find we were being menaced by one of those hoodies. Bruce pauses for applause, smiles. But my dancing skills high-kicked in, and I showed Death a clean pair of tap-shoe heels."

A safe distance away, Bruce began the banter which sealed Woods' fate with: "That's one black tie event I'm not ready for, ready for it I'm not!"

A spokesman for Death, Graeme Reaper, said his employer had "closed in, aiming his scythe for Bruce Forsyth, before being wrong-footed by the sprightly hoofer."

"Scythe to see you, to see you, scythe."

"As my employer swung his scythe at Forsyth," continued Reaper, "Brucie spun of of the way, taunting 'Higher, higher! Lower, lower!'."

When Death paused his torrent of scythe-swinging to get a breath of air into his ribcage, Forsyth tormented Death with: "Didn't he do well?!"

According to Forsyth, after dispatching Woods, Death then turned back to him. The decidedly non-doddery former Dolly dealers' darling riposted: "You don't get anything for a pair, not in this game!"

Death made his excuses and left.

Clutching a cuddly toy, Forsyth's co-host, Tess Daly, said she was "dvstd" for Wood's family, friends and agent, but "dltd" that Brucie escaped the chop.

Wood was known for his musical comedy impressions, including Cher.

Asked whether he though Wood would have been spared had Brucie accepted his time was up, Forsyth said: "If I could turn back time, maybe I'd find a way ..."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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