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Monday, 22 February 2010

image for Whole Country Getting Fatter, Says Kirstie Alley

Study after study agree with her findings, according to fat actress, Kirstie Alley, who says she has now passed the size of her friend "Norm" on Cheers.

"It's not just me, it's the whole country..maybe the whole world", says Kirstie. "I'm pretty sure it's this global warming thing. I mean, look at Al Gore! It's fattening us up like pigs."

When asked how, Alley stated "Because!"

She then described the different diets she has been on and off and on and that none of them work because you can't stay on one and off of it and live a normal life.

"A normal life today is being fat. I love to go spend some quality time at Wally World and gaze at the super-fat. Now THAT can't be global warming. No, that's a pint of ice cream and a package of cookies before bedtime."

Kirstie says that she believes that artists will provide her with plenty of work as a model.

"Everybody knows these things go around in fashion and the reubenesque paintings are ready to get hot again."

"My big ass will be famous on portraits worth millions of dollars in the future. Can any stick model look forward to that?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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