Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 18 February 2010

image for Two Members of The Indian Olympics Team Are Suspended For Eating Hamburgers
A herd of 14 happy, contented, stress-free sacred cows in India.

VANCOUVER - In a surprising incident, two of India's top Olympians, speed skater Raheem Kamal and snowboarder Amandeep Gurpreet have been suspended by their coach Darshann Maleeksaleek and forced to return to India.

The Indian coach said that he knocked on their hotel room door and they did not answer. So he said that he took the master key and let himself in.

He said that he heard laughter and singing coming from the bathroom. He approached the bathroom very slowly and very quietly. He stood at the door for a few minutes and then he pushed it open.

Raheem and Amandeep quickly stood up from the floor where they were sitting and both tossed what they were eating into the toilet and flushed it.

For some reason the toilets and commodes in Vancouver, unlike toilets in America, England, or Cameroon, when flushed the water swirls around and around for an endless eternity.

So Coach Maleeksaleek was able to get a good look at what the two had tossed into the toilet. The coach clearly saw that the two players had been eating a McDonald's Big Mac each.

The coach said that he could clearly see the sesame seeds on the buns, as well as the special sauce, which is really Thousand Island Salad Dressing mixed up with a little bit of ketchup.

Both grown men screamed out like they were Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez. The coach quickly took out his cell phone and took a photo of the two swirling Big Macs.

He immediately called the Prime Minister of India Manmohan Singh. He emailed him the photos and the prime minister informed him that he wanted both men suspended at once. He went on to say that when they arrive back on Indian soil, both will be punished to the fullest extent of the law for eating 'cow' which is a sacred animal in India.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I was curious as to what exactly the prime minister meant by the fullest extent of the law. So I decided to call up an old friend who is now the Dean of the University of Upper Vermont, Amit Taja.

He said that what will happen to Kamal and Gurpreet is that both will be tied to mature cows and dragged through downtown Bombay from 2 p.m. until 4 p.m. Detroit time. Afterwards they will be incarcerated for twenty years in the most infamously horrible prison in India, Calcutta's Welcome To Hell Shithead Prison.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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