Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 18 February 2010

image for American Idol: Hollywood Week - Whining and Weeping Up A Storm
Juanito, one of the janitors at L.A.'s The Kodak Moment Theater on his way home after quitting his job.

HOLLYWOOD - Noted Fox News TV host Sean Hannity once said, that only in America can we have something like American Idol where we end up with one winner and 99,999 sore-as-the-dickens losers.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi remarked that, that is the only thing that she agrees with Hannity on.

Hollywood Week has been no exception. After originally starting off with 100,000 then narrowing it down to 181, 95, and 71, Simon Cowell, Ellen DeGeneres, Kara DioGuardi, and Randy "Dawg" Jackson have been chopping contestants left and right.

And now it has finally come down to the final 24, 12 males and 12 females.

The Kodak Moment Theater is literally filled with thousands of tears and teardrops scattered all over the place.

Two theater janitors, who gave their names as Juanito and Johnny, both quit because as Juanito put it, "Hey dude, der wuz damn tears all obur da freakin' place. Not only on da carpet but also on da walls, da seats, and even Steven on da son-of-a-beeching zeeling."

Johnny added that he has worked as a janitor for twenty years and he has never seen so many damn spoiled crybabies.

Juanito chimed in, "And dey all tink dat dey are dee next Carrie Underwear, Kelly Chapstick, or Adam Lambchops. Eat ease so sad to wash em sing der nalgas (butts) off and then hab Simonize or that new Lebanese judge Ellen tell dem dat dey suck dee big one."

In other news. Lou Dobbs, who after leaving CNN has virtually vanished into the valley of the forgotten, was recently spotted eating a chicken leg at a Baltimore KFC. He asked the person sitting at the next table if she knew who he was. She looked at him for a few seconds. She then replied that she had no idea who he was but that he sure did look a lot like a senior citizen version of the Pillsbury Doughboy, Poppin' Fresh.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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