Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 16 February 2010

image for Cheryl Cole Asks Simon Cowell To Accompany Her To The Brit Awards
The Lady Spitfire Mansion in St. John's Wood that Cheryl is interested in purchasing. (Photo courtesy of Simon Cowell).

LONDON - In an interesting development in the much-ballyhooed "Cole Cuts" saga starring Cheryl and Ashley Cole, a very reliable but unnamed source says that Cheryl has asked Simon Cowell to accompany her to the Brit Awards.

Simon who along with Dannii Minogue and Louis Walsh appear as judges on the very popular singing reality show X-Factor has reportedly accepted the invitation with the full approval of his girlfriend Mezhgan Hussainy.

Cheryl is presently staying at the luxuriously exclusive Bloomin' Begonia Blooms Hotel in downtown London. Several of the hotel employees who have come in contact with Ms. Cole report that she appears quite depressed.

Ms. Cole is absolutely shattered by the revelations coming out about her husband sending sexually-worded text messages as well as highly explicit photos of the joyas de familia (family jewels) to various women of the garden variety.

One young hotel busboy, identified simply as Corky, even had the 'nads to go up to Cheryl and tell her a knock-knock joke.

Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Wanda.
Wanda who?
Wanda where Ashley the ass be about now.

The young little chap stated that he actually saw half a smile come across Ms. Cole's face as she handed him a £6 tip [$9.50 U.S.].

In related news. Ashley Cole is still holed up in his Surrey mansion. His maid, who spoke on grounds of anonymity, said that she has just about gotten fed up with his constant whining and whaling about his foot hurting, his ears burning, and his 'little Ashley' missing Cheryl's 'little Cheryl.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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