Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 10 February 2010

image for A 4.3 Earthquake Hits Chicago - Kirstie Alley Is In Los Angeles
Chicago's famed Goat Building reported very little damage from the earthquake.

CHICAGO - Every weatherman in the 'Windy City' is reporting that a 4.3 earthquake hit Chicago at 3:59 a.m. Wednesday.

Many Chicago residents said that they were sound asleep when it hit and they quickly woke up to find things like chairs, lamps, space heaters, and in one case grandma in their beds.

Lloyd McMaple, Jr., who has lived in Chi Town for 80 years said that at first he thought that it was just his stomach, since he said he had some pizza for dinner the night before and it almost always gives him a queasy stomach right at about 5 a.m.

Another resident Paula Sue Cobblerbasket, 27, blushed as she said that her and her husband Kipp, 28, were having sex at the time and she just figured that the Kipster had just really done an extra amazing job on her.

Another lady, who asked that we not include her name in our story, said that it scared the hell out of her when she realized that her false teeth had shot out of her mouth and had become embedded in her husband's forehead.

Herbert Letterdip said that at first he thought that his wife Gertie had merely bit him because she was still angry about the remarks he had made the night before about her now growing hair in places where she never had hair before like on her tongue, on her fingernails, and even on one of her ovaries (the left one).

Luckily there were no injuries or major reports of any damage. Weatherman Tuggy Baffbinder of Chicago's TV-91 did point out in his morning weather report that he had received several calls asking if perhaps Kirstie Alley was in town. Tuggy said he called Alley's agent and he informed him that Kirstie is in Los Angeles.

In the world of sports news. The Indianapolis Colts who lost in Super Bowl XLIV to the New Orleans Saints 31-17 are denying reports that they are trying to trade quarterback Peyton Manning to the Buffalo Bills for Terrell Owens.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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