Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Thursday, 4 February 2010

image for Paul McCartney And Heather Mills To Remarry Valentine's Day
Nowhere Man

Former Beatle Paul McCartney and his ex-wife Heather Mills are about to walk down the aisle for the second time. The surprise wedding will be held at a church on Penny Lane on February 14th. Father McKenzie will be the minister.

The stoned former Beatle explained to the press that all he needed was love, love, love. He proposed to Heather after smoking 100 bong hits in a row.

"I'm so glad, that she's my little girl." said the ex-Beatle. "She's so glad she's telling all the world!" he continued.

"They say the best things in life are free." said Heather. "You can give them to the birds and bees. So give me money. That's what I want. Oh yeahhhhh, that's what I want!" said the one-legged gold-digger.

Former Beatle Ringo Starr was shocked by the news of the wedding and had some nasty comments about the pair.

"He's a real nowhere man, sitting in his nowhere land, making all his nowhere plans for nobody." said the former drummer.

After Paul recoveed from all the bong hits, he had a sudden change of mind.

"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they are here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday." said the suddenly sober pothead.

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