Written by Richard DagNabbit
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Topics: Movies

Thursday, 4 February 2010

image for Leif Garret and Rip Torn to Star in New Film: "Jeez, What Stinks Around Here?"
Aging Spoofer Going Crazy while Looking in the Rear View Mirror: "I'm Telling you THAT DAMN RABITT IS REAL!

Leif Garret, 48, a One Time Big Time Pop Star & and Retired Spoofer, had just been arrested for possession of, and flying high on H-juice. Appearing to have been shootin' some kind of juice up the spoof pipes for years, he appeared in booking photos as a near twin to recently arrested actor and souse extraordinaire, "I'm a Ripped & Torn Spoof Goof", who is 78.

The two fallen stars were "less than a full square" according to arresting officers and both, upon being tossed into the back of squad cars, were heard moaning "Jeez guys, I think something really stinks around here." Not realizing they had each pissed and gone boom boom in their pants several times while binging on the funny stuff, they both had to be fire hosed down by "special duty" guards at the jails. The squad cars used for the transports were deemed "spunked beyond repair", immediately decommissioned and sent to be auctioned off to the public.

While in jail, both mumbled garbled things about seeing a giant Rabbit. Like in the movie Harvey, both thought the Big Rabbit was a "one nightmarish big bunny", but each was sure of the existence of the Rabbit while lost in their daze and confusion. In a day or two, they began to sober up and both were back reminiscing about their more competitive days, pretending in their minds that the last few decades of demise never happened. Both were glad to not be seeing any more Scary Big Bunnies every time they opened their eyes.

After posting bond and being released near midnight, they each called for a cab to take them someplace - any place but jail would do. After piling in the back seat and breathing a big sigh of relief, they heard the door close, then lock and the cab driver say "where to my friend?." Looking towards the driver, they each felt their hearts race and blood fall right to the floor - there it was again - that Big Rabbit, with long ears and big sharp teeth! WTF! Shell shocked, both grabbed a conveniently placed bottle in the back seat and swished it down.

They both awoke in their own cars, not knowing how they got there exactly. Shaking their heads thinking the marbles might be falling out of the ol' noggin, they proceeded down the road ever watchful for that damn wabbit. Returning to the street where it all began each looked in their rear view mirror and Holy Fuckin shit! the Wabbit, Again! The two Bowery Baiters slammed on the brakes, thumped their heads and POOF! he's disappeared again.

Reporting from the Zone of Big Wabbit Paranoia,


Dagnabbit, it's that Damn Wabitt Again

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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