Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 31 January 2010

image for Lily Allen Quits The Music Business - Cheryl Cole Asks, "Was Lily In The Music Business?"
These are some of the coins that Lily has found in her bra and pantyhose.

LONDON - Lily Allen has recently announced that she has decided to quit the music business. She pointed out that the fun has gone out of it.

She said that when she first started singing people would praise her and give her compliments and it fed her ego beyond belief. They would throw money at her and she would pick it up in between songs.

She said that many times when she would get home she would take off her clothes and find all kinds of monetary coins in her bra, her pantyhose, and even in the most private, intimate part of her body.

Lily said she would take the coins, wash them in the kitchen sink, and put them in a coin jar on the kitchen counter that she had marked 'concert coins.'

But she said that soon that all changed. People started asking her to sing songs that she did not want to sing. They were telling her to take off her clothes, and asking her to perform all kinds of illicit acts - and that was just the stage hands backstage.

The 24-year-old Allen said that she would get home and instead of finding coins she would find weird things like M&M's, double A batteries, crumpets, and tubes of cellulite cream.

She said that after finding the seventh cellulite cream tube she decided that it was time for her to retire from the music business. The fact that she was recently named Great Britain's "Miss Cellulite Thighs" helped to cement her decision.

Allen noted that she had also gotten fed up with everyone asking her about her third nipple. She said that it really got old after about the 900th time.

So Lily Allen announced to the BBC that she was leaving the music business and would not be conducting any more concerts, body signings, or 'get your photo taken with Lily Allen' events.

When Cheryl Cole heard that Lily was leaving the music business she coyly asked, "Was Lily in the music business?"

It is no secret that there has been no love lost between Cheryl Cole and Lily Allen. The feud started when Lily remarked that Cheryl could not ride amusement park rides because she did not meet the height requirement.

Cheryl shot back that the reason that Lily could not keep any of her boyfriends was because once they found out that she had a third nipple they would just kind of quietly dump her ass.

Cheryl said that Lily had so much cellulite she could actually hide jewelry in her thighs.

In other news. Katy Perry has stated that she has turned down the part of James Bond girl Laura Labia in the next James Bond film entitled, 'The Spy With The Golden Y.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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