HATTIESBURG, Mississippi - Elin Nordegren traveled to the Delta state to visit her husband, Tiger Woods, who is in rehab to cure him of Dickaliticus, which is the inherent urge to try and poke every white female of pokeable age.
Elin, who still answers to Mrs. Woods, stated that she had a pleasant visit with her husband who was dressed in an orange jump suit kind of like the ones that prisoners wear.
She said that he was in fine spirits considering that he hasn't had any (blank) in at least two weeks.
While at the Libido Be Gone Sexual Rehabilitation Clinic Nordegren was the guest of the clinic's executive director Hemphill Baxterhiggy.
She stayed in his $2.7 million mansion called Casa Caliente. Dr. Baxterhiggy spent about two hours going over the 17-step process that Eldrick Tont Woods is going through.
He stated that at present Tiggy, as all of the other patients refer to him is on step 7, which is the step where the individual finally accepts the fact that having one's winky out of his pants for four to five hours just is not normal, even if one happens to be Warren Beatty.
Tiger's personal clinic physician, Dr. Turner Elderflower said that Tig is making excellent progress. The doctor pointed out that it has been almost ten days since Woods has mentioned the P word, the C word, or even the F word.
After Tiger went back to his room, Elin sat down and had a chat with Dr. Elderflower. She asked him if he believes that her husband can ever stop chasing the skirt.
The doctor who is somewhat naive at times, said that it's not the skirt chasing that concerns him, it's what's underneath the skirt in the crotch area that is the region that he is most concerned about and that still literally scares the hell out of him.
The doctor did tell Elin that he will be trying out a brand new calming down method technique procedure known as the Danish Pressure Push.
The Danish PP as it is commonly known, entails having the patients penis or tallywacker placed in a type of vise and then pressure is slowly applied and the pressure is continued until the patient either screams his frickin head off or else he simply faints. The Danish PP was invented in Denmark by a former meat market butcher.
Dr. Elderflower did not want to say too much, but he did say that the Danish PP has had excellent results for Warren Beatty, George Hamilton, and Jack Nicholson, but not Charlie Sheen.
Before Elin left she told the doctor that she really and truly hopes that he can help her husband and cure him.
She said that she will probably not divorce the Man Ho, but quickly added that if he ever tries his whoring around shit again, the next time she won't hit him with a golf club, the next time she'll run over his skinny little half black ass with his own golf cart, nine or ten times whatever it effen takes.
In somewhat related news. The new American Idol judge Ellen DeGeneres has stated that if Simon Cowell tries any of his under-the-table thigh grabbing with her, like he did with Paula (Abdul) he will end up getting his fingers bit, his face slapped, and his 'Little Simon' kicked like a 50-yard field goal.