Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: TV, The Bachelor

Wednesday, 27 January 2010

image for The Bachelor Is Down To A Handful: 5 Wedding Bride Wannabees Are Left
The His and Her's wedding rings that ABC has purchased for the show's finale.

HOLLYWOOD - The Bachelor, Jake "The Lucky Dude" Pavelka has narrowed down the field of prospective "Bed Mates" down to five, cinco, funf, cinq, and speaking of sinks, the DG's (desperate gals) are pulling out all of the stops even resorting to throwing out everything including the kitchen sink.

Bachelor insider, Dick Parsley, stated that some of the girls have resorted to practices that were employed by the Nazi's of World War II.

The five remaining 'ladies,' and I do use that term loosely include Vienna, the 23-year-old penguin trainer from Sanford, Florida; Ali, the motel maid from Massachusetts; Gia, the New York City tampon model; Tenley, the Oregonian who works as a nurse in a lumberjack camp; and 23-year-old Kissimmee, Florida native Corrie who is currently an unemployed pole dancer.

Parsley pointed out that one of the girls, who we'll just refer to as contestant X, even went as far as to try and bribe the shows hair stylist Ramon of Redondo Beach.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: The Editor's Editorial License Act of 1897, strictly prohibits me from revealing contestant X's name. But here is a fairly good hint. Her anagram is Eva Inn.]

Contestant X, offered Ramon $4,000 in cash to mess up the hair of the other four girls. Miss X also told Ramette, as Ramon likes to be called, that she would even arrange for him to go out on a date with one of her ex-boyfriends Toby "Chicklets" Rashmenker, whom she had broken up when she had learned that he was gay.

Ramon reportedly thought about the generous offer, but declined on account of the clause in his contract that clearly stipulates that he will fix every girls hair to the best of his ability even though he may get bribes such as the one he received from contestant X.

In a related story. One of the eliminated contestants Jessie, who lives in Canada, where she is employed as a snow plow driver revealed to Larry King that she was sworn to secrecy. But since she was eliminated she basically said that she did not give a flying eff, about any promises, written, verbal, or otherwise.

Jessie pointed out that truth be told, Jake the Snake is really more like Jake the Fishing Worm. Larry asked her if she was referring to that certain thing that occupies his crotch region and Jessie yelled out "Bingo!"

Stay tuned for further developments as they develop.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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