Written by Morse
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Topics: Tiger Woods, Golf

Saturday, 2 January 2010

image for Tiger's Caddy Now Seen Humping Bags at Heathrow!
Tiger's Caddy Now Working the Concourse, Not the Golf Course Humping Bags!

An iconic caddy, formerly 'on the bag' for Tiger Woods, was seen last week humping bags for hire at Heathrow during the Christmas Rush.

Caddying since he was 6, and a low handicap golfer himself, suddenly found himself out of work as Woods was dropped from the PGA tour after his sexual handicap reached 14 and left him unable to complete with other professionals who routinely play 'scratch' golf, meaning they single handedly took care of their own 'natural urges', as revealed by Johnny Miller, one who should know, on National TV before his mike went dead.

The caddy said he was 'temporarily out of pocket' when his source of income was cut off, and was earning money so he could fly home to his sheep ranch, and continue is recreational passion of racing golf carts in his home country.

Rather than bemoan his current situation, he seemed happy in his new occupation saying, "It's a job, innit?"

In addition to making money, he said most of his clients recognized him immediately, and were gracious with their tips, although when he worked on their short game, or gave THEM putting tips, it tended to tie up the queue trying to get through security.

He said his most interesting 'carry' was for Percey Livingstones, the man with the world's largest scrotum that was in the news again last week when
a security guard turned 'his bags inside out'.

"Poor bloke...there's a guy who really was carrying a Pro Sized BAG around..
it was so big he could have carried more than the regulation 14 clubs innit!"

He said he hoped Tiger, who he became close with, not only for course management, but for managing his social calendar, would be back soon.

He confessed that one of the additional benefits his new occupation provided should be of invaluable aid to Tiger ...."I've got a whole new black book full of numbers and measurements for him," he said salaciously, "he's going to be scoring a lot of BIRDIES when he gets back to Swingin' Full Time!"

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