Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 1 December 2009

image for Kanye West and Chris Brown Tie For 2009's Biggest Loser of The Year Award
Chris Brown's microphone, which he said if Kanye West ever tries to take he will end up having it shoved down his throat.

CHICAGO - The highly reputable celebrity magazine Celluloid Folks has just announced that their annual Biggest Loser of The Year Award For 2009 has gone to Kanye West and Chris Brown.

The magazine's editor Livvi Livitsanou, 31, said that the magazine received over 390,000 votes. Carrie Prejean took third place with 129,700.

Kanye West, aka "The Microphone Snatcher" and Chris Brown, aka "The Hip Hop Chump" each received 130,150 votes.

Ms. Livitsanou, who weighs 119 pounds, said that this is the first time in the magazine's 25 year history that the annual Biggest Loser of The Year Award has ended in a tie.

When Carrie Prejean was informed that she had taken third place she sighed and said that she was surprised that she had not won first place.

She grinned and said that it looks like she will just have to try harder next year.

When told that the award was not considered to be one that someone wants to receive, Prejean got a puzzled look on her face.

She smiled her fake beauty pageant smile and said that she had understood her to say that she had taken third place in The Prettiest Loser of The Year Award.

Ms. Livitsanou, who measures 38-24-36, told her that on top of getting an attitude-adjustment she should really go in and have her hearing checked.

Prejean asked her what in the world fish has to do with anything.

Levitsanou asked her what in blue blazes she was talking about.

The ex-Miss California told her that she had said that she needed to have her herring checked.

"Hearing, dirt wad, I said hearing."

"Oh, my bad" replied the dishwater blonde.

Ms. Livitsanou, who once dated major league baseball umpire Clem "Spitballs" Rackrock, said that when she informed Kanye West that he had tied for the 2009 Biggest Loser of The Year Award honor he told her that it was all just a bunch of bullshit and the only reason he got the stupid award is because he be black.

Livitsanou told him that Chris Brown had also won the award. And Kanye told her that Brown ain't black that he's more like a Jamaican or a Puerto Rican, or a Costa Rican, or some kind of Rican.

Kanye told her that he was not going to attend the 2009 Loser of The Year dinner. He said that he was insulted and that he would not honor the magazine with his presence.

"We're having barbecued ribs, chicken tenders, grape wine, and moon pie for desert." Livitsanou stated.

"My black a** will be there, save me a place bitch."

In unrelated sports news. The Detroit Lions who lost to the Green Bay Packers 34-21 are now 2-9 for the season. Third-string kicker Villio Bacaluka was seen rejoicing in the Lions locker room. When asked why he was so happy Bacaluka replied that the Lions have won twice as many games as the Cleveland Browns, the St. Louis Rams, and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers who are all 1-8.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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