Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 28 November 2009

image for Kevin Skinner Performs A  Sold-Out Concert At The White House
Kevin Skinner performed in the White House's Millard Fillmore Rec Room.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Kevin Skinner, this year's winner of the $1 million first prize on America's Got Talent performed a sold-out Thanksgiving concert at the White House.

All of the proceeds from the concert will go directly into The Presidential Stimulus Package Fund.

Skinner who was the special overnight guest of President and Mrs. Obama performed the president's favorite song, the appropriately titled "Wind Beneath My Wings."

The nation's most famous 'chicken catcher' performed before an assembled crowd which included such notables as Neil Young, Shakira, Manny Ramirez, The Tony Parkers (Eva Longoria), Kate Gosselin (minus Jon Plus 8), Stacy "Luscious Legs" Keibler, Kobe Bryant, and 102-year-old comedian Don Rickles.

Rickles went up to Skinner and shook his hand. He then said that he was thrilled to finally get to meet the star of The Andy Griffith Show and of Mayberry RFD.

Skinner politely informed Rickles that his name was Skinner, Kevin Skinner and not Andy Griffith. Rickles shook his head and asked "Andy, why did you change your name. Personally I thought that Andy sounded perfect; it does have that moonshine slash banjo flavored sound to it."

Skinner just laughed and said well shucks damn. Rickles hollered out "Shucks damn? Wasn't he that fella that made all of those hundreds of martial arts movies?"

Kevin said you mean Jean Claude Van Damme? And Rickles replied, "No chicken boy, Jean Claude Van Damme."

Skinner being a nice polite southern gentlemen remarked, oh okay, Jean Claude Van Damme and Rickles fired back, "No chicken bone, I said Jean Claude Van Damme."

Just then the president who had been listening stepped in and told Rickles that he wanted to introduce him to the woman with the fastest hips in the world.

Rickles perked up and asked, "You mean my high school English teacher Mrs. Elmira Livitowitz is here?"

The president then asked Rickles if he would like a cup of coffee. "Taffy, I hate taffy" Rickles replied. "Have you got any Viagra? Cause I know that if "Hot Flashes" Livitowitz is here, I'm pretty sure that I will be able to get to second base before midnight."

President Obama had the "First Mama's" personal secret service agent Pompei Talltimber take Mr. Rickles up to the Lincoln bedroom and tuck him in.

In unrelated news. Ethiopia's planned invasion of Bosnia, which was to have taken place on Tuesday, December 8, has been cancelled indefinitely due to the spear shortage.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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