Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Adam Lambert

Saturday, 28 November 2009

image for The Gay Community Is So Mad At Adam Lambert They Want Him To Become Straight
Adam Lambert shown rehearsing for his appearance on The American Music Awards Show.

SAN FRANCISCO - Hundreds of members of the gay community are so upset with Adam Lambert's sexually-charged gay orgy performance on the American Music Awards show that they want him banned from the gay community.

And the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation or (GLAAD) has even asked that Lambert renounce his gayness and tell the world that he is not really gay and that he is as straight as Lance Bass, ah make that Justin Timberlake.

Garthy Shopington a spokesperson for GLAAD said that Mr. Lambert's bondage carousing, oral sex simulation, male-kissing, and endless crotch grabbing on the Nokia Theater stage was something out of a horrible Rocky Horror Show sequel.

He said that it reminded him a lot of a surprise party that Elton John threw for the Who's Pete Townsend several years ago in Liverpool, England.

Shopington recalls seeing a big three tiered cake brought in, and a male dressed as a Manchester Red Devil popped out wearing an edible uniform. And within two minutes the uniform was completely gone.

Shopington laughed when he said that Liverpool police were called in and they arrested over 16 cake-faced party goers.

Noted lesbian performer Melissa Etheridge was asked about Lambert's exotic performance. Etheridge just smiled and replied, "Well at least the flamer did not lip sync like a lot of the other performers that night did."

A spinoff group of GLAAD known as GLOCK or Gays and Lesbians Opposed to Constant Kissing stated that Lambert's orgytorial performance set gay marriage back two years.

GLOCK spokesperson Bippy Bouquet said that watching Adam's performance scared a lot of gay and lesbian couples who were going to tie the knot.

One gay individual Teevee Lagoon-Moon said that he had no idea that gay people acted that way. Lagoon-Moon is a native of Iowa and he says that all him and his boyfriend do is sit out in an Iowa cornfield and touch each others cornhusker.

Meanwhile, Courtney Love apparently heard that Adam Lambert may be straight after all and she told Ryan Seacrest to tell him that she wants first crack at him.

Lambert apparently remarked that not even if Love offered to buy him a warehouse full of lipsticks, eye-shadow, and black nail polish.

In an unrelated story. Billy Bob Thornton was overheard telling Joaquin Phoenix at a Tacos, Tamales, & Tostadas in La Habra, California, "Why the hell did I go to Canada?" And Phoenix responded by saying, "I know what you mean, why the hell did I appear on the Letterman show?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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