Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 20 November 2009

image for Germ-Freak Howie Mandel Starts Screaming When A 12-Month-Old Baby Touches His Ankle
Germ phobia freak Howie Mandel covering his face as he talks to his housekeeper about his germ phobia affliction.

BURBANK - The host of TVs game show Deal Or No Deal, Howie Mandel was reportedly taking a nap at his home when suddenly his maid, Gertrudina's 12-month-old baby accidentally touched the germ phobia freak Mandel on his left ankle.

Mandel woke up screaming at the top of his lungs. He hollered out for Gertrudina to bring him a bottle of waterless hand sanitizer.

Gerty quickly ran to the kitchen pantry and got the hand sanitizing wagon which holds a three gallon tank of hand sanitizer.

Mandel yelled at her to spray his ankle with a nice steady stream of waterless hand sanitizer at a steady flowing rate and not to stop until he screams out "stop."

Gerty did as her boss instructed her to do and underneath her breath she whispered to herself, "Gosh, what a little sissy girl."

Howie heard her and asked her to repeat what she had just said.

Gerty did not say a word. Mandel insisted that she tell him what she said, Gerty looked him in the eye and said that she had said "Gosh, what a little busy world."

Mandel asked, "You said, 'gosh, what a little busy world?'"

"Jes." Gerty replied.

Mandel relaxed and said that he thought that he had heard her say gosh, what a little sissy girl.

Gerty assured him that she had not said that because after all he is a very masculine man and besides there are probably hundreds of well-adjusted, intelligent, straight men like him who scream at the top of their lungs like little sissy girls when a little bitty baby touches them on their ankle.

"Gerty, you're fired!" yelled out Mandel in a perfect Donald Trump imitation.

"Thank goodness." Gerty screamed back. "Mr. Mandel ju are one effen obsessive compulsive disorder shithead and ju had better see a therapist about jur problem because vato (dude) ju are one sick mofoing perrito (puppy).

"Why Gerty, cause I bark in my sleep?"

"Yeah, dat and dee fact dat sometimes ju chase cars, ju bury jur food, and on occasion ju sit on dee front porch and ju lick jur ju-know-whats."

Gertrudina grabbed her purse, her baby, and her broom and she left Mandel's completely germ-less mansion (tsk-tsk).

In military news. Cambodia has put off their planned invasion of Iceland. Official word from the office of the prime minister is that it is just way too damn cold to be invading Iceland at this time of year.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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