Written by Trip Nasti
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Wednesday, 18 November 2009

image for Andre set to enter jungle, again.
There are trees in the jungle?

The producers of, 'I'm a minor celebrity...give me exposure', must be rubbing their Armani clad thighs with glee today after 90's pop sensation Peter Andre agreed to go back in to the jungle.

It's been reported that Peter has been paid a whopping three figure sum to reprise his role as the annoying Katie Price botherer and mediocre song creator first seen in 2004.

Less we forget the 18 agonising weeks 'Insania', a 'song' which Peter penned whilst in the Jungle last time, spent at number one, prompting the suicide of many an eminent disk jockey. God rest their souls.

Katie Price, who is currently making herself at home in the Australian jungle, is totally unaware of the shows scheduled newest arrival.

Peter is due to make an appearance later on this week.

Katie and Peter, who met whilst competing in the 2004 edition of the show, went on to marry, release an album of poorly sung show tunes, have 17 children and apprear in a fly on the wall television program together.

The pair did however split earlier this year when Peter realised what a vulgar person Katie in fact was, and Katie realised that she preferred transsexual cage fighters over 90's pop star has-beens.

The couple have been at war ever since, culminating in Peter strangling one of Jordan's favourite horses with his bare hands and Katie stealing and consuming three of Peters world renowned abdominal muscles.

TV chiefs, whilst sitting around a camp fire and smoking a really long pipe, have said that they hope by introducing Peter into the jungle it will create a bit of tension in the otherwise dull camp.

When pressed on their decision to bring the warring couple together again, ITV chiefs admitted that they hoped the two will knock seven bells from one another, possibly whilst naked and chewing on a boiled kangaroo vagina.

This years series is reported to contain more twists than an ice cream tub full of spaghetti.

Once Peter is in the jungle he will face one of the biggest challenges ever put before him.

Geordie duo Ant'n'Dec had this to say on the matter;

"Lets just say that when Peter is thrown in to the jungle, he will be immediately sent to take part in a jungle trial.
For the trial, although we can't reveal all the details, we can say that we have organised for a large enclosed cage to be constructed in a small clearing, a red and white paisley dress in Peters size to be tailored and a special guest whom Katie knows really well to be flown in especially."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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