Written by P.M. Wortham
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Monday, 16 November 2009

image for Carrie Prejean Proud of Her Christian Implants
Approved by Baptist Ministers

In multiple interviews this past week, ousted California beauty queen, Carrie Prejean says that she is "proud" of her breast implants and that they fall under, or more appropriately stated, rise to the guidelines set forth by her church leadership.

Not answering any questions about her self-admitted sex tape or how that impacted the loss of her pageant title, Ms. Prejean focused instead on her drive to become the perfect Christian. "I think all women should be beautiful and do whatever it takes to reach their goals, especially if your church is behind you." Prejean said. "Christians, and by that I mean Baptists are perfect, and everybody else isn't. We should strive to look that way, big hair, big boobs and all!"

Apparently supported by the male leadership of Prejean's church, known as the "Rocks of John the Baptist", though we believe that might be a misprint, Prejean's surgery was closely watched to assure adherence with Christian guidelines. "By closely watched, they mean video", says Haywood Jablome, janitor at the church. "I'm pretty sure they all watched Carrie's tape, you know, just to make sure the surgery went well."

Christian leadership is now considering a new partnership with a Finnish pharmaceutical company in the sponsorship of "Christian Approved" butt, face and breast implants. That coupled with an approved set of liposuction procedures will add a new revenue stream to the growing alliance of Baptist churches.

Adolph Hitlaarn of the American Coalition of Christian Churches says, "Since we believe the primary role of women is to stay at home and look good, this approved set of Baptist, er, I mean Christian procedures help them to achieve their goal. After all, Loveliness is next to Godliness, we like to say".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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