Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 11 November 2009

image for Susan Boyle Appears On Dancing With The Stars And Sings In Spanish
A very rare photo of Sharon Osbourne taken without any of her makeup.

HOLLYWOOD - Susan Boyle the singing sensation from Scotland and runner-up in England's Britain's Got Talent wowed the California crowd as well as the home viewers with her stirring rendition of "I Dreamed A Dream" which she sang partially in Spanish.

And then for her second number she surprised everyone in the studio audience as well as the millions of home viewers when she performed the old Richie Valen's classic "La Bamba."

The eye-brow plucked Boyle sang the song just as good as other artists who have recorded "La Bamba" such as Richie Valens, Los Lobos, Mannheim Steamroller, Ryan Seacrest, Taylor Swift, and The Beatles.

After she performed the shows host Tom Bergeron asked Susan how she liked being in America. She said that she loved it and that it was like England except for the lack of crumpets, chutney, gherkins, and bangers and mash.

Bergeron raised his eyebrows and replied, "But we do have Big Macs we do, we does."

He then turned to a more serious subject and asked Ms. Boyle what she thought about Sharon Osbourne saying that she looked like a slapped arse (but*t) and that she also looked like she had gotten hit with an ugly stick.

Boyle looked down and replied, "Well I do feel sorry for the lady. First of all she is married to a man who has all the personality of a strip of Velcro.

And the poor woman she can't sing, she can't dance, she can't tell jokes. So tell me Tommy, what the blimey 'ell does the bitch do?"

Bergeron almost dropped his microphone.

"Come on, tell me Tommy?" Boyle asked. "Just what exactly does the blithering London loon do?"

And Bergeron, who was now as red as a chimp's (blank) replied that she was right. Mrs. Osbourne really has no talent to speak of.

Boyle then chimed in and said that she figured that British born Sharon Osbourne is probably the equivalent of American born Ann Coulter.

Tom, who was now laughing so hard he started coughing, merely smiled and nodded his head in complete agreement.

In other news. The government of Costa Rica is happy to announce that the Banana Pickers Union Local #7 has called off its month long strike. The BP's (banana pickers) will return to work now that the Costa Rican Banana Growers Corporation and the Banana Pickers Union have both agreed to pay the banana pickers in money instead of in bananas.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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