Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 9 November 2009

image for Susan Boyle Will Not Be Dancing On "Dancing With The Stars"
Susan Boyle has stated that growing up as a little girl in Scotland that she would fantasize about her idol Donny Osmond.

HOLLYWOOD - The host of Dancing With The Stars Tom Bergeron wants to put to rest the rumor that Scottish songstress Susan Boyle will be dancing on the next edition of Dancing With The Stars.

Bergeron said that he believes that the falsehoods first started in either New Zealand, New Guinea, or New Hampshire.

The host of Dancing With The Stars did make a statement that Susan Boyle will definitely be singing on the reality dance show.

Tom said that at first one of the shows producers Bernadette Penderlicki had stated that Miss Boyle would be singing the old Gerry and The Pacemakers classic "Ferry Cross The Mersey" but then it was felt that some of the viewers would think that the song was about a gay fella crossing England's Mersey River in a stolen canoe.

DWTS executives then planned on her singing the Divinyl's hit "I Touch Myself" but that was vetoed by the shows censor Lars Acushnet who said that the viewing public would simply just not believe that Susan Boyle has ever touched herself on her fillet o' fish (fuzzy muzzy).

The shows director Mason Kippflavor suggested that it was best to have her sing the song she first sang on Britain's Got Talent, "I Dreamed A Dream." Everyone finally agreed.

SIDENOTE: There is no one happier to have Susan Boyle appear on DWTS than contestant Donny Osmond. Susan has told several reporters that when she was a little girl, the "Stormin' Mormon" was her idol.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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