Written by nigmuncher
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Topics: TV, Cooking

Sunday, 18 October 2009

image for TV chef Thompson scrambles a few egos
'doner kebab' honest food, says Thompson

Television's current raft of celebrity chefs have been given a broadside by one of their own luminaries in a warts and all autobiography.

Jamie Pierre Thompson's new book 'I Can't Boil an Egg' which went straight to the top of the current bestsellers list, takes issue with his contemporaries claims to culinary excellence.

One bemused TV chef, Marco Olivier, even threatened Thompson with legal action. "I always considered Jamie a friend and fellow professional. I was stunned to read that , and I quote, '.... think Marco has lost his true vocation, and would be a real asset to the griddle bar at Watford Gap Services....' Can you Imagine how I felt when I read that?" sobbed Olivier. " I am an artist, and this libelous attack has cut me to the quick. He will be hearing from my solicitors, and my mother."

Thompson was unrepentant last night. "I'm sick of all these prima donnas prancing around in front of the cameras. What the public wants is more honest cooking, and less nancy boys pouting over the au jus or fluttering their eyelashes behind the Le Creuset. I have worked hard to become the greatest chef that ever lived, and I will not, I tell you, I will not tolerate any of these second rate burger tossers coming along and trying to usurp my position as professional cookery's demigod. I am the finest chef in the world, I tell you, the finest!"

Thompson is currently 'resting' in an unidentified Swiss clinic. A spokesperson said that he was, 'suffering from emotional exhaustion.'

Yeah, right.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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