Written by P.M. Wortham
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Thursday, 15 October 2009

image for George Clooney Secretly Marries Heidi Klum
Seen exiting the Dead Lenegds Wedding Chapel

Surprising even the most diligent of paparazzi and scab entertainment reporters alike, a recent announcement from Las Vegas tells of a secretive private wedding between movie box office sensation George Clooney and former super model turned cable television hostess, Heidi Klum.

Insiders tell me that Clooney and Klum had been distant mutual admirers for years, exchanging glances, suggestive smiles and a personal quip or two while at the same red carpet events, but nobody expected them to make a connection. Hampered by Klum's constant state of pregnancy and supposed wedded bliss with Grammy award winning crooner Seal, she still managed to develop an intimate, though self-administered relationship with Clooney over the internet.

Most surprised by the news was Seal himself, who was left with four of Heidi's children, including a newborn daughter. Ivana Duitt, close friend to Heidi tells me that, "She was simply done with having children and it was just time to hook up with her final life partner." Klum reportedly told Seal that she was "just going to the market to get some rice". Of course the market was in Las Vegas next to the Dead Legends Wedding Chapel, and the rice was for a different purpose.

The 5 foot 10 inch bombshell wore flats so as not to overshadow Clooney who stands at 5 foot 11. The ceremony was presided over by both Elvis and Michael Jackson who sung a duet with Jackson's hit single "Don't Stop till You Get Enough". Elvis reportedly ad-libbed a few "Hunka Hunka Burning Love" lines to add flavor to the lyrics. Clooney, an Elvis fan, tipped him an extra $100.

Seal was reportedly left to wonder what had caused Klum to make her hurried exit. "Perhaps the clue was in Heidi's HerSpace online ID. Her ID was WETOVERTVDOCTORS", says Duitt. Clooney's ID provided a clue as well calling himself, "GOTTAHUMPHEIDI".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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