Written by Stu B
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Topics: Concert, Bob Geldof

Thursday, 5 August 2004

image for Bob Geldof Reveals He Quite Likes Mondays Now
"JUST GIVE US YOUR FXXXXXX MONEY"

After quelling speculation of a new Live aid concert Bob Geldof admitted that, contrary to popular opinion, he actually quite liked Mondays after all.

At the official announcement of the impending release of the Live Aid DVD in aid of the Sudan Darfur crisis, Geldof gave the shock announcement in answer to a question from one of the assembled journalists.

When asked by the showbiz columnist of the Daily Mail if Mondays were still his least favourite days he responded "actually, you smug Txxx, Oi cant believe your asking me such a trite Fxxxxxx question when half a million people are starving to Fxxxxxx death in Darfur you Cxxx, now shut up and go and buy the Fxxxxxx DVD box set, available in all good record shops and retail outlets from November".

Bunions
However in a unguarded interview with OK magazine, he later hinted that Mondays were normally the day he visits the chiropodist and so was really quite a good day. "Oi suffer terribly with me bunions and the only relief Oi get is when Oi pop down to Cheryl's Foot Spa and get them scraped and soaked in a soothing balm of balsamic vinegar and Andrews Liver Salts, bloody blissful it is. Plus it gives me a break from the fxxxxxx kids. So Oi guess if Oi had a favourite day it probably would be Mondays. Ironic eh?"

Geldof has legal guardianship of over 73 children, whom he teaches to pick pockets in a hovel in the East End of London.

Businessman
Geldof, who was voted the 73rd most respected Great Brtiton in a recent and yet utterly pointless poll, has distanced himself from his previous rock and roll persona as his business interests have grown more successful. In the late 1980's he opened a Haberdashers in Croydon, Surrey, which he later sold to Bono from U2 for a profit of over £37.00.

At the same time his TV production company established itself at the forefront of media innovation with it's innovative programming culminating in a documentary series in which Geldof himself beat minor members of various royal families from around the world at Cluedo.

Since Band Aid and Live Aid the foul mouthed modern day Rasputin has campaigned ferociously for the reduction of third world debt, cycle paths in Wantage and for the introduction of more swear words into the English language.

Most recently he made the news when he successfully performed an impromptu set of his old Boomtown Rats numbers at a rained off Wimbledon. It wasn't very good but the gathered crowd were just pleased he wasn't Sir Cliff Richard.

Worst Day
In the same interview he also pointed out that Thursdays were most probably his least favourite day now as that is the day he has to put the rubbish out for the bin men.

Give
If this report made you smile please consider those less able to laugh and make a donation to the sudan crisis appeal.

http://www.redcross.org.uk/35568

Give some anyway, even if you didnt find this funny at all. "JUST GIVE US YOUR FXXXXXX MONEY"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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