Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 10 October 2009

image for Bonkettes Flop In North Korea - Kim Jong Il Not Amused
Spit And Swallow - Oz Here We Come!

The Bonkettes, probably the sexiest girl-band on the planet experienced something new tonight here in Pyongyang, affectionately nicknamed 'Ping-Pong-Bing-Bong' by locals, as they performed to a selected audience in 'The People's Glorious Missile Hangar Auditorium'

It isn't quite clear what the North Korean nation's citizens, including Kim Jong Il were expecting from a skin-baring western girl band, but it was obviously not what they got.

In previous shows in New York and Rio, the Bonkettes were greeted by scenes of mass hysteria, with underpants and jock straps showering the stage (sometimes quite literally) thrown in the throes of adulation.

Here in Pyongyang things took a slightly more conservative tone.

The girls opened their set with "I Wanna Hold Your Flange" and were greeted with little more than a polite round of applause.

Undeterred the girls launched into a raunchy version of "Please Sleaze Me" which was again awarded the most lukewarm of receptions.

Looking somewhat confused by the lack of audience enthusiasm, the girls tried their perrenial classic "For Fuck's Sake Help Me!"

At this point, the band's bewilderment became plain for all to see, as they wandered about on stage clearly wondering what the hell was going on.

Enter 80's pop icon Michael George to save the day, as he took centre stage to announce that his good friend Eton Johns was to make a special guest appearance, to perform a number for Kim Jong Il.

As the Bonkettes looked on from the wings, Eton Johns took a seat at a Steinway Grand piano, and launched into an emotive version of the classic rock ballad, 'Rocket Man'

It didn't exactly have them rocking in the aisles, but Kim Jong Il looked suitably impressed.

To be frank, the rest of the show wasn't up to much.

BJ Swallow closed the Bonkettes show with a soulful version of the classic ballad, "Pissed Today"

The highlight of the show came when an unprecedented array of British musical talent, flooded the stage for a rousing rendition of "Bomb The World - Let Them Know It's Christmas"

Kim Jong Il smiled a lot, but nobody joined in. Which did not amuse him.

Later, sensuously slurping industrial strength uranium in the hotel bar, lead singer BJ Swallow told us:

"That was a crap gig if ever I played one."

The Bonkettes are scheduled to play Sydney Opera House in two days time.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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