Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 26 September 2009

image for Victoria Beckham, Kylie Minogue And Kristen Stewart Blown Out By Bonkettes
BJ Spit And BJ Swallow On A Son Of A Beach In Hawaii This Morning.

BT Bishop, manager of chart topping girl group 'The Bonkettes' today announced that the search for a fourth Bonkette continues following a number of failed auditions.

"We have to take this thing in hand" BT Bishop told us. "We had auditions in central London, and Victoria Beckham turned up. We had to say 'don't call us, we'll call you' because she just didn't fit in with the band's image. The Bonkettes are a down and dirty girl band and Victoria, as a loving mum just doesn't cut the mustard. Her old man might well be a fine footballer and a heartthrob, but she's just not dirty enough."

Lead singer, BJ Swallow told us:

"We had Kylie Minogue audition too, but we had to give her the no-no because she's too diminutive. We're some big strapping lasses, and we kept tripping up over her on stage. So she was a no-no. Lovely lady, nice arse, but not Bonkette material. Too small."

BJ Swallow's twin sister, BJ Spit told us:

"Somebody called Kristen Stewart turned up then. Seems she's a teen queen or something. Whatever, she can't sing for shit, so she was a non-starter."

Band member Kathy Legover nee Trembler told us:

"That Beyonce can fuck off too. We're looking for talent, not window-dressing."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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