Written by Skoob1999
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Monday, 31 August 2009

image for Lindsay Lohan To Portray Jaycee Lee Dugard In Hollywood Blockbuster
Does My Ass Look Big In These Jeans?

Frantic meetings have been taking place here in Hollywood in the wake of the Jaycee Lee Dugard case. Studio heads have decided to fully exploit the bizarre kidnap case with the aim of a quick turnaround on movie production and release while the story is still hot news.

"This is an ideal item for us to turn into a blockbuster," CEO of Gonnorf Pictures, Skip Wiffleball told us. "It's got drama, sadism, false imprisonment, emotional upheaval and some deeply weird abductors. Plus, as the majority of the action takes place in some backyard tents and sheds, we won't have to blow a massive budget on elaborate sets or even CGI. This stuff is gold dust for the studios."

Lindsay Lohan, the part time lesbian has apparently signed up to play Jaycee Lee Dugard, but casting agents are holding auditions for the roles of the kids.

"Lindsay will be terrific in the part," Skip Wiffleball assured us. "She's been looking a little gaunt lately following her on/off lesbo thing with Sam Ronson, and of course there's a clause in the contract dictating that she should look suitably downtrodden on camera."

Sir Anthony Hopkins has been offered the role of Phillip Garrido, but has yet to confirm. Kathy Bates has been approached to play the role of Nancy Garrido, but as in the case of Sir Anthony, has yet to confirm.

"Screw the Transformer Movie and that Avatar thing - this will be the blockbuster of the year," Skip Wiffleball told us

More Hollywood Hogwash as we get it.

With thanks to the J-Man for his kind permission to use the name 'Skip Wiffleball'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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