Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Monday, 31 August 2009

image for Hell Breaks Loose When Rob Pattinson Eats Kristen Stewart's Taco!
How could such a delicious treat filled with meat cause so many problems?

BURNABY, Vancouver, B.C. - The off-screen passion of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart showed signs of moving to "the next level" today at a Taco Belle in Burnaby, British Columbia, said a source close to the young lovers.

Pattinson and Stewart took a lunch break from the filming of Ellipses, but ended up spending most of their time bickering over food.

"Did you eat the last chicken taco?" Stewart asked upon returning from the bathroom.

"Thll phlaspht phlmn?" queried Pattinson, spraying food in the sexy rocker goddess' face. Quickly chewing a few more times before swallowing, he added, "That was the last one?"

"Rob, you know very well that was the last one!" exclaimed Stewart. "I distinctly remember telling you not to eat it before I went to the ladies room!

"You always pull this shit!" yelled the old ball-and-chain as heads began to turn. "God!! You're so fucking selfish sometimes!"

"I'm selfish!?" Pattinson hollered back. "You're the one always saying, 'don't eat this, don't touch that, you're not licking that right!' My friends were right - American women are high maintenance! Bugger off, you hairy axe wound!!"

For many, the public revelation of dysfunctions in their relationship seemed inevitable.

"Their passion is so intense," a friend of the couple said. "The pressure has been building for over a year, and now it's finally ready to blow."

The two spent the rest of the afternoon apart, working on separate projects. But absence makes the heart grow fonder, and when the two re-united at the Share-a-ton Sugarwall Centre in Vancouver later, the DO NOT DISTURB sign was out quicker than you could say "Robsten," which is already about fifty percent quicker than you could say "Brangelina."

Speaking of quick: As punishment for her earlier indiscretions, Stewart reportedly had her head banged against the headboard repeatedly for nearly three full minutes!

As punishment for his own earlier indiscretions, Pattinson was only allowed to do so once.

Make The San Francisco Onion's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 multiplied by 5?

4 25 3 9

Go to top ^