MARSEILLE, France: Madonna, singer and performer extraordinaire, surfaced on an Antiques Roadshow taping yesterday evening. The Roadshow, which appraises various fossils and relics from the past brought in by locals, has just wrapped up a week of filming in Marseille. We interviewed Latin toyboy Jesus Luz, the man responsible for hauling the old girl in to the studio.
Jesus told us, "I was wandering aroung backstage playing with my Power Rangers, when I found this strange white stick woman covered in plastic wrap. It was propped up against some scaffolding. I was afraid at first so I texted my dad. He told me to bring it to the Antiques Roadshow, which happened to be just across the street."
"The roadies told me she was one step away from the rubbish collector anyway. I didn't think she was worth a nickel considering how frail she looks. On the positive side, her face reminds me of the captivating Joan Rivers."
"The appraiser told me that I could increase her value if I would tie her to the roof of my car and run her through the carwash a few times. I have to watch out for shrinkage, and no hot wax. He also said that even though she attempts to speak with an English accent and once lived on an English estate, she is actually a lower middle class American from the Revolutionary War era."
" The whole Antiques Roadshow thing was a great experience. I had no idea how much she was worth before coming here. Her appraisal value should just about cover the cost of 2 tickets to that Madonna concert at Madison Square Garden next year. I've never heard of her, but my mom's her number one fan."