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Sunday, 5 July 2009

image for Dolly Parton's Tits Offically Sag To Ground Level
Dolly can't get hers on by herself anymore

Dolly Parton, the 63 year old country singer most famous for her huge breasts, has announced today that her boobs have now sagged so much that they drag on the ground.

"If I take off my bra, them puppies is bouncing off my feet. I gotta kick 'em out of the way with every step. It's sort of like a funny game of hacky sack or kick the can or somethin'."

"The worst part is picking out the gravel or walkin' through dewey grass if I go outside to get the paper in the morning. Kinda chaps the nipples a bit too."

When asked if she would have breast reduction surgery to avoid this problem, Parton was adament in the negative: "Think about how far these hooters have got me in life, and you want me to just cut 'em off? That ain't showing no gratitude. It'd be worse than having your dawg put to sleep."

Dolly admitted that she had to have help putting her bra on in the mornings. "I gets these two big, strapping men, one on each side of me. They sorta lay my bra on the ground and I step over it and swing my melons into the cups. Then, each one slowly lifts a side until everything comes up into place and they can fasten it in the back. They have to put pop rivets in daily to hold everything in place."

Fellow country singer Willie Nelson has announced that he will do a benefit concert for Dolly, to be called Boob-Aid. Attendance is expected to exceed his annual Farm Aid concerts, expecially since he announced that the ushers will all be Hooters girls.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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