Michael Jackson had spent the last two years of his life planning an elaborate death hoax, an insider revealed this morning. Having seen how record sales skyrocketed after the sudden death of his ex-Father-in-law Elvis Presley, Jacko started making plans to create the ultimate publicity stunt and shock the entertainment world.
Sensing an enormour publicity campaign, a boost to album sales, and millions of dollars in merchandising revenue, Jacko has been in negotiations with his advisers for many months, planning the 'when' and 'how' of the elaborate hoax, our tip-off reveals.
One suggestion was that he would stop making good music and not make any more wonderfully creative videos, for about 10 years, and then people would think he had really died, at least artistically.
It was then pointed out by his closest aide, Bubbles the Chimp, that he has already done that.
The best plan, his trusted advisers told him, was that he would go into hiding in the back of a van, wrapped in a white sheet.
He would then emerge later in the year and work secretly and anonymously as an Expenses Clerk at the Houses of Parliament, as his experience in accountancy and over-spending on unnecessary luxuries would stand him in good stead for such a role.
Then, after his profile and career had received a timely but posthumous boost, it would be revealed to the world that he was in fact still alive - plus he would only have a short commute to the O2 Arena for his forthcoming gigs.
Unfortunately, it began to emerge today that the hoax had gone drastically wrong and that Michael had forgotten, or simply overlooked, the 'hoax' element of the elaborate plan.
Sadly, he proceeded to actually, really die. Of a heart attack. At home. Possibly drug-related. At least he got that bit right, in an "Elvis" kind of way.
A spokesman for Michael Jackson, seen emerging from the house with a white sheet, and some unpaid invoices from the Early Learning Centre, declined to comment.
Police are investigating.
Bubbles is up a tree.