Written by Morgan Truce
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Monday, 5 July 2004

image for "Fahrenheit 911" Destroys Industry
140 degrees: Doomed!

The Association of Thermometer Manufacturers is not happy with Michael Moore's new movie "Fahrenheit 911". Karl H. Dorfman, public relations speaker for ART, says, "We do not like Michael Moore. His new movie is making people think that they can just waltz into their local Ace Hardware store and buy a thermometer that reads all the way up to 911 degrees Fahrenheit! The 96 member manufacturers of our organization have been making thermometers for over a hundred years. 140 degrees is our limit for consumer thermometers. Sure, we make some special high temperature thermometers for steel mills, Brittney Spears, and Satan, but 97% of our business is aimed at the 140 degree market."

"You aren't expecting the temperature on your patio to climb to over 900 degrees, are you? Why the heck to you need a "Fahrenheit 911" thermometer? A few of our member manufacturers have caved in and converted all of their thermometers to read up to 911 degrees. We have thrown them out of the Association of Thermometer Manufacturers and will sue them AND Michael Moore for all the damage they have caused to our once lovely business."

"Please do NOT go see that movie!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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