Written by matwil
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Tuesday, 19 May 2009

image for Norway win the Eurovision national anthem contest
Gerry Adams and the Peacebreakers

After a gruelling evening of listening to no fewer than 41 new national anthems, judges today announced that the Norwegian one had won the contest. 'Raping and Pillaging, Ho Ho Ho', by The Bloodthirsty Vikings narrowly received the most votes, with Denmark's entry 'We Hate Norway' by Anna Sjkolsje-Carlsberg coming a close second.

Britain's new anthem, 'The Star Spangled Banner', only got one vote, which was no surprise, but what was surprising was the failure of the Irish to be at least contenders for the winning prize, which is a daytrip to a Siberian salt mine. 'Pub Bombers Of The World Unite' by Gerry Adams and the Peacebreakers got three votes, and that was only after backing singer Martin McGuiness had a quiet word with three of the judges.

Other anthems included 'We Hate The English More Than The Irish Do', by the French, 'Who Are All These Eastern Europeans?', from the Swiss, and 'Standing In Front Of An Audience And Not Giving The Nazi Salute Is A Hard One', from the Germans.

'We're As Useless At Fighting Wars As Americans' was Italy's contribution, and 'Mama Mia, Pass Me Mon Bratwurst Und My Pint Of Bitter, Senor' came from Sweden.

Israel's 'Rock-Throwing Children Are Terrorists, Honest' was banned, due to not being accurate enough, and Lebanon's 'How We Miss American Troops To Use As Target Practice' wasn't banned, being perfectly accurate.

Eurovision is now wanted by the European Court of Justice, for crimes against good taste.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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