Written by Earnest A. Peal
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Sunday, 19 April 2009

image for Potts to Boyle: Don't sing Nessun Dorma
The paps got an earful as a steaming Potts left Wooten-on-Bickelsworth, one in a collection of villages.

The budding friendship between Paul Potts and Susan Boyle has take a turn south, after Boyle set her sights on Potts' lucky song, Nessun Dorma.

He has stopped taking fish and chips with her on Wednesdays and went so far as to say that she put too much pepper in the stew they shared last week. He intends to spend more time trying to impregnate his wife and less time "mucking about" with helping other people.

"It's a bit babyish, isn't it," commented Boyle. "It's not like he owns the song."

But Potts takes a different view. He told paparazzi earlier today, "She said a lot of people wanted to know who could sing it better. Well, just let them wonder. And then she's all flip about it. Like, I tried to tell her it's in Italian, and it's not that easy to learn Italian. And she's like 'Scuzzi'", and 'Bibbidy-bobiddy, bobbidy-bibidy. I can learn that in three shakes of a lamb's tail.' Yeah, right."

With her nascent friendship already on the rocks and new competitor Shaheen Jafargholi breathing down her neck, Susan Boyle will be feeling the pressure to make her next song count. But with a Cheshire Cat grin she revealed, "I already know the words by heart."

See also: Amanda Holden lingerie pictures are hot; Vote online for Susan Boyle or Shaheen Jafargholi; Simon Cowell nixes Christ on BGT

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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