Written by Winslow Tabernackle
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Monday, 4 March 2002

image for Rejected by Letterman, ABC Set To Hire Bin Laden
Bin Laden in ABC tests

The American Broadcasting Network (ABC), having been turned down by David Letterman and already having strained relations with Ted Koppel of Nightline and Bill Maher of Politically Incorrect, is branching outside of the normal entertainment circles to fill their late-night needs.

ABC President Steven M. Bornstein announced today that Osama Bin Laden, the infamous leader of the terrorist organization Al Qaeda, will be given a five year multi-million dollar contract to fill the time slot that will be left open by the departure of Nightline and Politically Incorrect.

"We feel he'll bring an edge to our late night programming here at ABC. He might be a little unconventional, what with the killing and all, but we feel he will find his niche rather quickly." Bornstein said.

ABC executives hope that the addition of Bin Laden to their program lineup will bring an increase in the coveted 18-49 radical male Muslim extremists demographic.

"I am excited and pleased to be working with ABC and their parent company Walt Disney. I hope our relationship together will be long and fruitful, and I will be given ample opportunity to spread the word among the true believers here in the United States to rise up against their infidel dictators. Praise Allah!" Bin Laden said in a prepared statement released earlier today.

The new show will debut next fall and will be called Uncle Osama's Smiletime Variety Hour and Musical Jubilee.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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